


Nothing Ever Rivals You

by shmali



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Idiots in Love, Idk what to tag here, M/M, iwaoi - Freeform, no beta we die like daichi, snapshot fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29930751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shmali/pseuds/shmali
Summary: “You sound like you’re in love with me, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa says quietly.Hajime’s heart is beating so hard it hurts. His throat burns and he knows before he speaks that his voice is going to shake, is going to break.“Always have been.”--Iwaoi through the years told in snapshots from Iwaizumi's POV from ages six till after the Olympics.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 5
Kudos: 38





	1. Six through Nine

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing in the Haikyuu!! universe and all credit goes to the creators.
> 
> A/N: Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a comment with any typos you have seen or to let me know what you think! Always willing to take some constructive criticism to continue to improve. This is fully written and is being posted as I go through and finish editing each part. It also has a spotify playlist: [Nothing Ever Rivals You](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/45B6rtRAGpTqpfSO8fHV5i?si=UVO3AJyiT4K_TAS_Ap_uXQ)
> 
> This work was inspired by [Amalas's](https://amalasdraws.tumblr.com/) drawing [here](https://amalasdraws.tumblr.com/post/186540002048/summer-nostalgia-and-who-better-to-project-this)!

Six:

They’re six years old and the most important person in each other’s life.

Hajime sits across from Tooru at the park at the end of their street, quietly eating the ice pops that had been stuffed into their hands as they were shoved out the door. It’s the end of the summer and Tooru’s sister, Shiori, is supposed to be watching them but she’d snuck a boy in and bribed them into leaving. Neither of them really minded. They knew Shiori was planning on breaking up with whoever was coming over and neither wanted to be home for that anyways.

Hajime doesn’t particularly like summer, doesn’t like the suffocating humidity that makes his skin feel sticky and salty, doesn’t like the way the heat makes their ice pops melt too fast, leaving sticky fingers behind as it dries.

“Where did you get those?” Hajime finally asks, pointing to the yellow star-shaped sunglasses Tooru is wearing. He looks like a weirdo but Hajime thinks the bright frames look nice on his stupid face.

“Jealous, Iwa-chan?” He asks, moving his head this way and that to show them off. He pulls them down and observes Hajime from the top. “My sister got them for me. Mai told me she thought they were cool.”

Mai comes to the park a lot and Hajime is glad she isn’t here today. He doesn’t mind Mai but sometimes he doesn’t like that Tooru doesn’t mind her either.

“Mai is a liar.” He says instead. “You look stupid. Stupidkawa.”

Tooru smiles back at him like he knows Hajime doesn’t mean a word of it. “I’ll have my sister get you a pair too. Then we can match.” He takes a large bite of his ice pop and a few seconds later clutches at his head with his free hand, groaning.

Hajime points at him and giggles. “Brain-freeze!”

When Tooru finally lifts his head, he’s giggling too. He takes the glasses off and offers them across the small table.

“You can have them. Then maybe the girls will tell you how cool you look.”

Hajime doesn’t care if the girls think he’s cool but he puts the glasses on anyways. Tooru leans over and pauses before grinning at him. Hajime sighs and moves his ice pop so that he can take a bite. “If you like the red one so much, why don’t you just eat that kind?”

After he swallows Tooru leans back and continues to slowly eat his own, smiling. “Because I like the green kind better and I know you’ll give me a bite so I get both.” He looks up. “Hey, Iwa.”

“What?”

“Are we best friends?”

“Duh,” Hajime says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world and it is the most obvious thing in the world. Their mothers were best friends and always say that Hajime and Tooru have been best friends since they were still in the womb, whatever that means. 

“Okay, good,” Tooru says, smiling and going back to his ice pop. “You have a lot more friends than I do so I didn’t know.”

“We have the same friends, stupid.”

“Yeah but they like you more.”

Hajime shrugs. “Maybe, but I like you the most and you like me the most so we’re best friends.” He brings the ice pop to his lips but pauses before licking it. “Why do you think they like me more? Was someone mean to you?”

Tooru shrugs and Hajime’s brows and lips pull down into a scowl. Shiori always says it’s the scariest six-year-old scowl she’s seen. He doesn’t like people thinking he looks scary but Tooru has assured him that she’s just being mean.

“They said I’m annoying.”

He is annoying sometimes but Hajime doesn’t like that he thinks he’s annoying sometimes. “They’re stupid. You’re the best and I’ll punch anyone who says mean stuff like that to you.”

“You say stuff like that to me.” Tooru sighs and rolls his eyes.

“Yeah but I’m allowed to. You’re my best friend.” Hajime watches as Tooru finishes his ice pop and offers the rest of his. Tooru takes it and grins at him, sticking his gross greenish tongue out. “Was it Koji?”

Tooru’s grin slides off his face and Hajime scowls again.

“If he says mean stuff to you again I’ll beat him up.” 

“Mom says you can’t solve problems by hitting everything, Iwa-chan.” Tooru licks his new ice pop and shrugs. “But he’s mean to me a lot so I think she’s wrong ‘cause not listening isn’t working.”

Hajime glares at his shoes where they rest in the dirt. He doesn’t like people being mean to Tooru behind his back and he doesn’t like that Tooru wasn’t going to tell him. “If he’s mean to you then he’s not my friend.”

Tooru shrugs and looks back towards their row of houses. They live two houses down from each other and Hajime can see a boy leaving the Oikawa’s house. “I think my sister will let us watch a scary movie if you ask nicely.”

“Why do I have to ask her?”

“Because she’s nicer to you.” He pushes himself up from the table and Hajime follows suit. “You won’t be too scared, will you?”

“No! I’m not scared of anything.” Tooru falls into step next to him as they make their way back to the house. He casts a dubious look at Hajime but doesn’t argue.

Shiori does let them watch a scary movie. It’s old and black and white but the monster still scares Hajime and he hides his face in Tooru’s shoulder and the cackling laugh that follows makes him feel safe. 

Eight:

“Did you get it?” Hajime whispers as Oikawa’s head ducks back into the room. He’s holding his hands behind his back, that infuriatingly haughty expression on his face. 

Even at eight, Hajime knows that Oikawa is pretty, knows that he isn’t the only one that thinks this. All of the girls in their class ask him to pass their notes onto an always surprised Oikawa. Hajime hates it. 

“Of course.” He pulls the DVD from behind his back and smiles widely, mirroring Hajime’s own excited smile. “Who’s your favorite person?” He holds it out in front of him, snapping his hand away as Hajime reaches for it.

“Come on, Stupidkawa. Give it here.” He reaches for it a second time and Oikawa laughs as he pulls it away again. 

Oikawa smiles that infuriating grin, his hand high above his head. Hajime rolls his eyes and runs at him, tackling him to the ground. He’s somehow able to snatch the movie and Oikawa cackles beneath him, his stupidly fluffy hair splayed out along the floor, Hajime’s knees pinning him to the ground. He holds his prize between them:

_Godzilla._

Oikawa’s mother had hidden it from them after they stayed up all night watching it over and over again.

“Hide it under the pillow. We have to go get some snacks.” Oikawa says from beneath him. Hajime reluctantly stands and does as he’s told. 

When they get back to the room with their haul, Hajime convinces Oikawa to watch the movie twice before they’re too tired to watch it a third time and they crawl into bed together, laying so close their arms press together and the weight of his best friend next to him is comforting, solid. 

“You have to be honest with yourself. Godzilla would not beat an alien. Aliens have super-cool technology that lets them fly through space. I mean spaceships, Iwa. There’s no telling what kind of weapons they have.” It’s the continuation of an argument they had started earlier in the day and Hajime turns his head to hide his smile.

He lets out an annoyed sigh and elbows Oikawa in his bony arm. Oikawa elbows him back without missing a beat. “God you’re so wrong Loserkawa I don’t even know where to start. Godzilla was created by nuclear whatever, wasn’t he? So wouldn’t he just absorb the alien’s lasers?”

Oikawa giggles beside him. “No cause aliens use a different type of laser than humans do, wouldn’t they? Like space is huge. The stuff out there isn’t going to be the same here. And anyways, the humans in the movie beat him. So. Ya know, aliens definitely would.”

Hajime sighs again. He’s lost the argument and he can tell from Oikawa’s tone that he knows it too. “Godzilla is still cooler and I think the movie just made them lose to make them the bad guy ‘cause the good guys have to win.”

Oikawa laughs beside him. “Second coolest. Aliens are so cool ‘cause they’re like stealthy ninjas, kidnapping humans to experiment on.”

“That’s more scary than cool, stupid.”

Oikawa scoots closer and grabs Hajime’s hand, fingers warm between his. “Don’t worry, Iwa-chan. I’d never let them take you.” He’s quiet for a minute and then he laughs his light and mischievous laugh. “Unless they let me have some of their cool alien technology. Then I’d make a sign that says, ‘Take this one! He’s a good human specimen!’”

They both dissolve into giggles. A few minutes pass before Hajime answers back:

“I’d try not to let Godzilla eat you either but I don’t know. If you keep being so annoying I might feed you to him on purpose. I’d tie you up outside and lure him with some meat or something.” He shakes with laughter and Oikawa does the same beside him.

“You’d cry if Godzilla ate me.”

“You’d cry if an alien abducted me.” He says in reply. They both dissolve into giggles and hold each other’s hand a little firmer.

Nine:

They’re standing in the Oikawa’s old guest room, peering into the crib in the corner. The infant swaddled in a light blue blanket is sleeping peacefully, lips sucking on nothing. Hajime notices his hair is the same color as Shiori and Oikawa’s and he reaches in and softly touches the small tuft before quickly pulling his hand back.

“Shiori named him Takeru,” Oikawa whispers. He’s been smiling his quiet smile since Hajime came over. He likes how warm it makes Oikawa look. “She’s going to stay at home and finish school in Miyagi Mom says we have to help Shiori with him too.”

“Where’s his dad?” Hajime whispers back.

Oikawa lifts a shoulder in a shrug, his brows pulling down in a scowl. “Shiori said that he didn’t want her to have Takeru and he left when she said she was keeping him.”

Hajime feels his own face pull into a scowl. He couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to leave beautiful and kind Shiori. “Well, they don’t need a stupid jerk like that.”

Oikawa gently bumps his shoulder into Hajime’s. “Don’t you dare think that he’ll like you more. I’m going to be the favorite uncle.”

“Nah. Too many Oikawa’s around him. He’ll like me more since I’m not as dramatic as you guys.” Hajime bumps his shoulder back, leaving it to rest against Oikawa’s.

“That’s why I like you too.” Hajime’s cheeks heat and he tries to hide his smile. He thinks Oikawa sees it anyway.


	2. Eleven through Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing in the Haikyuu!! universe and all credit goes to the creators.
> 
> A/N: Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a comment with any typos you have seen or to let me know what you think! Always willing to take some constructive criticism to continue to improve. This work is fully written and is being posted as I go through and finish editing each part. This work has a spotify playlist: [Nothing Ever Rivals You](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/45B6rtRAGpTqpfSO8fHV5i?si=UVO3AJyiT4K_TAS_Ap_uXQ)

Eleven:

Oikawa somehow convinced him that breaking into their middle school’s gym after hours was a good idea.

“Come on, Iwa-chan.” He says. And Hajime comes like he always does. “Me and you. We’re gonna be the greatest duo in the world when we’re older. We’re going to make it to the Olympics and I’ll be the greatest setter in the world and you’ll be my ace. The greatest duo in the galaxy.”

And Hajime can see it. Standing on the court with Oikawa as the whole country cheers for them. He knows that Oikawa will be there. Oikawa works too hard not to.

It’s why he was so easily swayed to follow him now. They’re in the gym for maybe fifteen minutes before they’re caught by the janitor.

Hajime is sitting with his arms crossed over his chest and Oikawa is smiling at him, poking him. “It was worth it, don’t you think? We got in some extra practice. That spike you made was amazing, Iwa-chan! You were flying and I had it go so perfectly in front of you and then you spiked it so hard that I swear I felt it in my bones.”

He’s almost convinced that it was worth it too. The way they both landed and yelled with so much excitement, finding each other and hugging each other so tight because they were going to do it. They were going to become unbeatable even if they had to break into buildings to do it.

It seems worth it until their parents get there, the look of disappointment on his father’s face is punishment enough. Hajime stares at the ground the entire time their parents are speaking to them, only snapping up when they deliver the final punishment: grounding from each other for two weeks.

“No, that’s not fair!” They both cry out but their parents disagree.

Hajime looks at Oikawa and knows that the horrified look on his face mirrors his own. They haven’t gone more than two days without each other in years.

But his and Oikawa’s parents last twelve days before they give in and let them have their weekend sleepover after only one apart. When Hajime sees Oikawa for the first time after that, he knows he’s doomed. 

Oikawa is smiling apologetically at him, a volleyball tucked under his arm as he stands in the doorway of Hajime’s room.

“Hi, Iwa-chan.” He says quietly and Hajime looks away. He isn’t sure why his face is heating up, why his stomach flipped at the sight of his best friend standing in the door of his room.

“Hi, Shittykawa.” He says back, his voice neutral. He hears the door shut and the bed dips beside him, the sound of a bag dropping the only sound for a few moments. Oikawa lays down and presses close enough for his arm to press into Hajime’s. 

“You’re mad at me,” Oikawa whispers beside him.

Hajime says nothing. He is and he isn’t but he doesn’t know why and he doesn’t know how to explain that to Oikawa.

“That’s okay.” Oikawa’s voice sounds weird. He turns to face him and sees that Oikawa’s cheeks are red, his eyes weirdly shining. 

Hajime sighs and grabs Oikawa’s hand, his fingers fitting nicely between Oikawa’s long ones. “Don’t start crying, idiot.”

But he hears the telltale gross sniffle that means he’s past the point of return. “I’m not crying! It’s just… allergies. You know I get them in the summer.”

Hajime rolls his eyes and squeezes Oikawa’s hand, the lie finally coming to him. “I’m not going to stay mad at you, I’m just mad that I was stupid enough to listen to your dumb reasoning.” He waits until Oikawa’s sniffling starts to lessen, waits for Oikawa to loosen his grip on Hajime’s hand. Instead, Oikawa squeezes tighter. 

He’s still sniffling dramatically when he says, “But it was so cool, right? That feeling? You know, when I got it right in front of you and you slammed it into the ground?”

And it’s all true; he can still feel the sting in his palm, see the way his vision narrowed onto the exact spot he wanted it to land like a shining spotlight. The way it felt like he was floating back towards the ground and the awe on Oikawa’s face, making his stomach somersault. He wants to feel and see all those things again and again. He wants to be able to hit those spikes past the best blockers in the country, wants to hear his and Oikawa’s names chanted throughout a gym.

“Yeah.” His voice is hoarse and he clears it and tries again, “Yeah. It was awesome.”

They lay in silence for a few more minutes before Oikawa pulls away and rolls off the bed, leaving Hajime’s hand cold. He hears the drag of a zipper.

“I got you something.” When Hajime lifts his head to look over, Oikawa is kneeling next to the bed, his hands behind his back. He’s wearing Hajime’s favorite smile, the one that means he’s won at something. When he notices he’s got Hajime’s attention, he shoves the present into his chest.

Hajime lifts it and grins when he notices the title: Godzilla vs. Mothra.

“How did you get this?”

“You know how my sister didn’t come home for a night a couple of months ago and left me and you alone with Takeru for the entire night?”

The corners of Hajime’s lips turn up at the corners. “Yeah.” Technically they’re eleven and hardly do anything that warrants needing a babysitter but their parents have always been a bit overprotective.

“Well, guess who cashed in that favor, Iwa-chan?” He blinks his large brown eyes innocently.

“I thought you were saving it for your birthday to convince her to get you that fancy cake you wanted to try?” Hajime tears off the plastic, ready to start watching it. They’ll need snacks if they’re going to watch it properly, so he stands. He knows Oikawa will want to raid his mother’s stash of candy and he wants something salty.

“Yeah, but I saw this in the store and I missed you and I knew that I’d get to see that dumb excited look on your face.” Oikawa grins at him then and Hajime feels the breath leave his chest.

“Doesn’t seem worth it.”

“Of course it is, Iwa-chan. You’re my best friend and I knew you’d be mad at me, so I had to fix it.”

Hajime sighs and offers a hand to help him up from his knees. “You’re so dumb. You know I won’t stay mad at you for more than a few minutes, Shittykawa.”

Oikawa grins again and Hajime punches him in the shoulder.

Twelve:

Middle school is rough. Middle school is awful. Oikawa plops down at their lunch table and drops his head into the crook of his arm.

Their other friends roll their eyes, used to Oikawa’s dramatics and more than willing to leave whatever melodrama he’s bringing to Hajime.

Hajime doesn’t bite and instead pulls Oikawa’s lunch toward him to steal the vegetables Oikawa’s mother always packs. Hajime knows she packs extras for him. It’s the only explanation for the carrots that Oikawa refuses to eat in his lunch every day.

“Stop being a thief, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa’s pathetic voice says from the crook of his elbow.

“Just a trade. My mom packed you your favorite.”

Oikawa finally lifts his head. “And clearly my mom packed you yours.”

Hajime pulls the milk bread from his box and drops it into Oikawa’s.

“She even cut them up into sticks for me today. It’s nice being the favorite child of both of our families.”

Oikawa rolls his eyes but grabs the milk bread and takes a bite. After he’s eaten half of it, Hajime gives the opening he knows Oikawa is looking for. He’s always a bit less dramatic after he’s eaten something.

“So what’s wrong?”

“He got rejected by Himiko in second period!” Harada yells from the other side of their table. A quick laugh escapes Hajime’s mouth before he pulls it together.

“She told me that she isn’t into pretty boys who are too full of themselves!”

Hajime laughs again and punches Oikawa in his arm. Oikawa scowls at him and rubs the area before he flicks Hajime’s arm in retaliation.

“Sounds like you’re definitely not her type then. Conceited pretty boys? That fits you in every way.”

“Iwa-chan! You’re supposed to make me feel better!”

“I did. I gave you my milk bread.”

“That your mother packed for me.”

“She says you’re getting too skinny. I told her it was because you refuse to eat food that has like protein and stuff but she said it’s 'cause your mom limits your sugar intake.”

“God it’s like I have three moms.”

Hajime punches him in the arm again.

Later in the day, Hajime hears a rumor that Himiko didn’t turn Oikawa down because he was a pretty boy, but that she didn’t want someone who was freakishly tall and skinny.

Hajime makes fun of Oikawa for it for the entirety of volleyball practice. He doesn’t tell him that he thinks Himiko is rude and full of herself, even though it’s true.

Fourteen:

Oikawa is breaking. Hajime can see it in the stiff way he moves, the shorter temper, the way his face morphs into that angry, cracking look. Hajime feels his heart give that familiar painful squeeze as Oikawa lines up to try another serve, sweat rolling down his temples. His hand is shaking as he holds the ball in front of him. Hajime knows he should reach out and take the ball but all he can see are the cracks in Oikawa’s face as he stares at the net, targeting the spot he wants it to hit.

He knows it’s not going to make it over before Oikawa’s hand makes contact with it. He knows Oikawa knows it. Knows that it’s hit the net three times right before this and that Oikawa is going to break.

The ball hits the net and Hajime watches as Oikawa’s knees hit the ground before he folds in on himself, his forehead pressing into the ground, his hands burying themselves in his stupid fluffy hair and yanking at the roots.

Hajime kneels in front of him and lightly tugs at his hands until Oikawa pushes himself up and sits back on his knees.

“Let’s go,” Hajime says quietly. “Let’s go home, Tooru.”

Oikawa buries his face in his hands and Hajime’s heart hurts because he can hear the sobs Oikawa is letting out, sees his shoulders shake, sees his spine curve in as he closes himself up. Hajime pulls him into his arms and Oikawa is burying his face in his neck, his fingers gripping his jacket.

“I’m going to lose my spot to him. What’s my hard work against his genius, Hajime? I can’t even get the ball over the net.”

“You’re exhausted, Stupidkawa. You need to go home and rest.” Hajime pushes him away and forces Oikawa to look at him. “You’re my partner. You’re the best there is. Let’s go home. You’re staying at my house tonight. My mom is making your favorite.”

He reaches his hand down to help Oikawa up and they finish cleaning up the gym together.

\--

“I don’t get why this is so hard for you to understand!” Hajime cries.

They’re sitting on a rock by the stream behind their houses, feet in the water. It’s break, no school, just summer and Oikawa and freedom.

“Because! There’s no evidence that monsters exist.”

“But what even classifies as a monster? Like we don’t know everything that exists in this world. There’s so much of the ocean we haven’t explored and there have been Bigfoot siting’s all over North America, and then there’s the Loch Ness monster, and just... ghosts! Ghosts are real.”

Oikawa grins at him. “We’ve been over this like a thousand times. Ghosts aren’t real.”

“Ghosts are real.”

“I know, I know. You say you’ve seen one but you were also like eight. Eight-year-olds have active imaginations and you were scared of everything then!”

“I know what I saw, Shittykawa.”

“Tell it to me again. Let’s go over exactly what you think saw.”

“So you remember when we went over to my Aunt Mae’s house, right? Well, I woke up to go to the bathroom and I know I saw a man-shape image thing in the middle of her hallway—.”

Oikawa starts laughing and covers his mouth to try and keep himself quiet.

“I’m not going to tell the story if you’re just going to laugh at me.” 

He tosses his head back as more laughter wracks his body. Hajime scowls at his shaking shoulders and kicks water up at him.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m just remembering your scared face when you pounced on me.”

“I’m glad my terror was so funny to you,” Hajime says, voice sullen. Oikawa had laughed at him then too but had insisted they sleep in the bed together when he noticed how jumpy Hajime had been. 

Oikawa grabs his shoulder in a display of mock support and says, voice very serious: “It was.”

Hajime huffs before continuing. “Anyways, the man-shape was standing in the middle of the hallway and I could see through it. I could see through it, Oikawa! How do you explain that? And Aunt Mae said later that a man died in the house before she moved there so maybe it was him!” Oikawa continues to laugh and slouches until he’s leaning his weight into Hajime’s side. Hajime smiles as his body shakes with Oikawa’s. “I know what I saw.”

“You think you know what you saw.”

“You believe in aliens without having seen any. I’ve seen a ghost so I have more evidence. I’m right because I have my firsthand account of seeing one with my own eyes.” Hajime shoves Oikawa off of him.

“Fine. Maybe ghosts exist.” Oikawa leans back on his hands and closes his eyes in thought. “But how and why?”

Hajime shrugs. Monsters make more sense than ghosts if he’s being honest. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s their spirits while they’re waiting for their long-lost love or like to be reincarnated or something.”

The corners of Oikawa’s lips turn up. “Sometimes I forget what a romantic you are, Iwa-chan.”

Hajime’s face heats and he turns away. “I’m not a romantic.” He is.

“If you say so. Nothing wrong with believing in love and stuff.” Oikawa shrugs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to let me know what you thought. You can also find and bother me on tumblr [here](shmali.tumblr.com).


	3. Fifteen through Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing in the Haikyuu!! universe and all credit goes to the creators.
> 
> A/N: Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a comment with any typos you have seen or to let me know what you think! Always willing to take some constructive criticism to continue to improve. This work is fully written and is being posted as I go through and finish editing each part. This work has a spotify playlist: [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/45B6rtRAGpTqpfSO8fHV5i?si=HCBFokQgRPaelxms3csOzQ)

Fifteen:

“Christ, Iwaizumi. It’s like you’re playing a completely different game. How are you still shit at this game when we play every weekend?” Oikawa says beside him. They’re laying on Hajime’s bed, stomach down, controllers clutched in their hands that hang off the bed.

“Look. Look? Some of us weren’t gifted at video games. Some of us were gifted with other things. Like intelligence. Or muscles.”

“Too bad you haven’t been gifted with anything.”

“Too bad you were cursed with that abominable personality.”

“Too bad you were cursed with that abominable face.”

“Too bad—“

Oikawa interrupts him with a loud laugh as he points to the screen where Hajime has been killed by a grunt. Again.

He drops his controller to the floor and hides his face in the crook of his elbow. He lets out a long groan as Oikawa pats his arm.

“Too bad.”

“Fuck you.”

Oikawa lets out another delighted laugh before the bed shifts and he stands. He hears the soft chime of the Xbox powering down and nudges Hajime with his socked foot.

“Wanna go to the park now?” Hajime pulls himself up and grabs his shoes while Oikawa slides Hajime’s bedroom window open. They head out, Oikawa sending a text to Makki to let him know they were on their way. 

Twenty minutes later, they’re still waiting, swinging slowly side by side. Hajime doesn’t mind that Makki and Mattsun are taking their time getting here. It’s his favorite kind of night, the kind where it feels like it’s just him and Oikawa for miles, the only sounds the faint hum of the cicadas and the occasional squeak of the chains as they slowly push themselves back and forth. Hajime watches his and Oikawa’s shadows stretch and shrink in the light cast by the streetlights. 

When he looks over, he’s unsurprised to see Oikawa’s brow drawn down, lip between his teeth. Oikawa’s been quiet today and Hajime can tell he’s on the verge of saying something he thinks is important.

Hajime stops his swing, brings one knee up into the seat, and leans his back against the cool chain. 

“Whatever you want to say to me, just say it.” He finally grunts out. Oikawa isn’t quick enough to hide his expression of shock and Hajime rolls his eyes as his face eventually schools itself into its mask of calm.

“Why would I want to say anything to you, Iwa-chan?”

Hajime rolls his eyes and leans forward, making his face as menacing as possible. “Assikawa.”

Oikawa lets out a dramatic sigh as he stops his swing and brings his leg up to mirror Hajime’s position. “I got a confession today.” He says finally. Hajime’s chest hurts from the thumping of his heart. 

“Yeah? Who was it?” He asks, trying to sound interested. This isn’t the first time that Oikawa’s been confessed to but they’ve only been in high school for a few weeks. He shouldn’t be surprised though. The trouble with wanting Oikawa Tooru, Hajime knew, was that he was not the only one.

“Saito. The one in our homeroom who always has her hair in a bun.” Oikawa says and Hajime knows who he’s talking about. He shrugs. “She cornered me before I could find you at lunch.”

“She’s cute.” He says.

And she really is cute. She’s a girl Hajime would definitely have a crush on if Oikawa didn’t exist. What’s a crush to the soul-crushing hopelessness he feels when cuddling close to Oikawa every weekend?

The corner of Oikawa’s lip turns up. “Yeah, she is. I turned her down though.”

Hajime raises an eyebrow at him, expecting him to keep going and explain why. He stays silent though and just watches for Hajime’s reaction.

Hajime breaks first, letting his curiosity win out, and finally asks him why. They’d been talking about getting high school girlfriends since last year. Hajime was sure he was finally out of his awkward stage and was hoping to get noticed this year or at least find someone to distract him, hopefully replace the dumb feelings he’d developed for his best friend.

Instead of answering him, Oikawa says. “Sometimes I think I might like boys like I like girls.”

And before Hajime can even think through what he’s saying, he says, “me too” and Oikawa cracks his best smile, his lips stretched wide over his perfectly straight, white teeth.

“Have you ever kissed anyone?” Hajime knows he knows the answer to this. He knows Oikawa kissed a girl for the first time when they were ten and Oikawa knows that a girl kissed Hajime at this very park when Hajime was thirteen. Instead of saying this, he raises his brow again. “Have you ever kissed a boy, I mean.”

“I think that’s something I’d tell you.” Because Hajime tells him pretty much everything.

“Me neither.” Oikawa stands then and walks the short distance to stand in front of him and his heart is beating so hard in his chest that he’s convinced Oikawa will hear it if he gets any closer. But he drops his leg and Oikawa pushes his way between them. He reaches out, hesitant, and grabs Hajime’s face, his fingers spreading across his cheeks, fingertips moving into his hair. “Can you be my first, Iwa-chan?”

He doesn’t trust his voice, doesn’t trust that this is actually happening, so he just nods. Oikawa closes the distance and presses his lips to Hajime’s and Hajime’s hands tighten on the chains of the swing, the cold metal biting into his palms, keeping him in the moment.

Oikawa’s hands are warm on his cheeks, his lips gentle enough to steal his breath. He wants to keep kissing Oikawa, wants Oikawa to want to keep kissing him. He detaches one of his hands and slides his fingers through the stupid fluffy locks, sighing at how soft it is between his fingers. 

They break apart and Hajime feels warmth in his cheeks. He feels like maybe his heart is cracked glass, so close to shattering and he swallows the lump rising in his throat. He memorizes the curve of Oikawa’s cheek in his hand, the feel of his soft skin against his palm, and the firm feel of Oikawa’s long fingers in his hair.

“Iwa—” Oikawa starts but breaks off when he hears voices coming their way. He knows without looking that Makki and Mattsun had finally been able to sneak out and make their way over. 

Oikawa removes his hands from Hajime’s face and stuffs them in his pockets. He steps out slowly and moves to stand to the side, facing where their friends are coming from. His absence leaves Hajime cold where he had been leaching warmth. Oikawa raises a hand and waves them over.

A little while later and they’re all laying on a blanket in the grass beside the park. Oikawa and Makki are arguing about something dumb, their voices quietly rising and falling. Mattsun leans over and whispers so only Hajime can hear, “I saw it. Makki was taking a piss but it doesn’t seem fair for me to know and not tell you.”

Hajime blushes. He doesn’t like that Mattsun had seen it; that was a moment for just him and Oikawa and he’s too exposed, the truth too close to the surface.

“It didn’t mean anything.” He whispers back because he’s sure it didn’t mean anything to Oikawa. Just practice. Oikawa doesn’t like to be bad at anything and now he could kiss boys with at least some experience.

Mattsun just shrugs, his shoulder bumping into Hajime’s lightly. “Fair enough.”

They’re back in his room a few hours later, shoulders pressed together, the warmth a constant reminder of Oikawa’s lips on his, of palms pressed into his cheeks. Hajime’s chest feels like it might cave in with how much it hurts with want.

\--

“Who would you kiss?” Oikawa asks in the dark of the room.

“Dragon ball edition?”

“Dragon ball edition.” He confirms.

“Bulma, hands down,” Hajime replies automatically.

“Why?”

“Are you serious? Billionaire, genius. Rolls with the punches. Is married to Vegeta so you know she’s patient at least.”

“I guess. She yells too much, I think.” Oikawa says.

“You?”

“Eighteen.”

Hajime snorts. “Dear God, why?”

“I like the idea that she could beat the shit out of me.”

“Masochist.”

“She also has a cool redemption arc, ya know? Underrated.”

“True,” Hajime replies. “Of the men?”

“Oh Krillin for sure. Hands down.” Oikawa answers immediately. “No hesitation.”

Hajime agrees but asks, “why?”

“He’s just so nice and even when he’s scared to death he tries to be brave. He knows he’s going to lose so many times but he faces it anyway.” Oikawa pauses before adding with an elbow to Hajime’s side. “I know you’d kiss him too, don’t lie.”

Hajime laughs. “Yeah, yeah. Yajirobi’s not half bad either.”

Oikawa makes a gagging noise.

—

“Ramen.”

“No.”

“Ramen.”

“No.”

“You lost. Pay up.”

Oikawa tosses his arms up in defeat and hikes his bag up his shoulder. “Fine.”

Hajime lets him lead the way to their favorite place. Oikawa chooses their usual seats, a small table in the corner. 

“I swear I’m going broke feeding you.”

“Stop making bets you won’t win then.” Hajime pulls the menu towards him and begins to peruse the selections.

“I’m not making them on purpose.”

“Be less confident.”

“That’s terrible advice, Iwa-chan.”

Hajime flips the menu down and gives Oikawa a bored once over. “Maybe for normal people but your ego is dangerously overinflated.”

“There’s nothing wrong with confidence.” Oikawa shakes his head to get his hair out of his face and pastes on his largest, fakest smile as the waitress comes over as he quickly orders their usuals. Looking at the menu was really just an excuse for Hajime to look somewhere other than Oikawa.

He can’t really argue with Oikawa’s point. Oikawa’s easy confidence with most things is one of his favorite things. He likes how when he feels the pressure in a game, most of the time he can look at his best friend and feel grounded.

“So she said yes...” Oikawa starts once the waitress has collected their menus. “When’s the date?”

“Next Friday. I figured we could move to Saturday.”

Oikawa waves the concern away. “Obviously. Where are you taking her? You’ve got to put some effort into your appearance this time, Iwa-chan. Girls don’t like it when you show up in gym clothes.”

“You’d think they’d be into the short shorts. Let ‘em really see the quads.” He grins at Oikawa, who immediately mirrors him. “I’ll figure it out. I’m thinking we’ll just do like the standard dinner and a movie. There’s a cheesy romantic comedy coming to theaters and I’m sure she’ll be fine with that.”

“Cliche.”

Hajime shrugs. Maybe but he’d really just asked her out to prove Oikawa wrong. She seemed nice though, cute for sure. He liked how pink her cheeks were when she gave him the letter she’d written, liked her smile when he’d asked her out even more.

“She’s cute.”

“Of course she’s cute. As an objective third party, I think you’re above average looking so it makes sense that you would date someone who is also above average looking.”

Hajime raises a brow and makes space for the food their waitress has brought out. Once she’s left them alone, he looks back at Oikawa.

“You tell me I’m ugly all the time, Assikawa.”

He rolls his eyes and picks up his chopsticks. “Compared to me, yeah obviously. But to the general public, above average.”

“A glowing compliment. I’m touched.” Hajime deadpans before picking up and digging into his own food. “What do you think I should do for this date? Does it have to be a big thing?”

Oikawa shrugs. “I don’t know. She doesn’t seem very high maintenance. I’ve talked to her a few times and she seems really cool.”

He smiles down at his ramen. He thinks she seems pretty cool too. They’d had a few classes together over the years and he liked being partnered with her the previous year. “I liked doing my history project with her last year. She seems pretty laid back.”

“What does your dream date with your dream person look like?”

Hajime swallows. He doesn’t want to think about that because then he knows he’ll feel that rock in his stomach, the cracks in his heart. He doesn’t want to give his dream date away to her anyways.

But he shrugs and pretends to think about it. “Go to a laid-back restaurant that’s less about the look and more about the food. Maybe watch a movie that both of us will enjoy. Ideally, my date would like movies like we like. And then I don’t know, maybe go for a walk? Or get dessert?”

Oikawa nods and says around the bite of noodles he’s just taken. “Don’t forget you have to like her too, Iwa-chan. Do something you like so you’re not so stiff. Let her see the real you.”

“What if she doesn’t like the real me? I’m not the best with feelings and being nice sometimes...”

Oikawa shrugs again. “She’ll like you. You’re definitely boyfriend material. You’re reliable and funny.”

Four days later and Hajime stares up at his dark ceiling, his fingers pressed to his lips.

The date had gone well enough to end in a kiss. It’d been nice, it’d been one of the best kisses of his life. He’d had fun and he thought she had too.

But it didn’t feel right. When her lips had grazed his, all he could think was that he wished he was at the park again, had said something to Oikawa then. He wished he put it out there for him to reject so he could move on.

There’s a small tap at his window and he pulls the curtain aside, unlatches the lock, and pushes the window up enough to allow a body through. A few seconds later, Oikawa tumbles onto his bed.

It takes a few moments for Oikawa to situate himself and close the window to keep the heat in but then he’s laying down beside Hajime, shoulders pressed together.

“How was it?”

“You know you’re coming over for breakfast with your parents tomorrow. This could have waited until then.”

Oikawa’s shoulder moves against his as he shrugs. “I could have but you got home over an hour ago and didn’t call me and the curiosity was killing me.”

“It was nice.” He says after a moment. “She kissed me at the end so I think that means she had fun.”

“Nice,” Oikawa says. Hajime thinks he imagines that it sounds slightly hollow like Oikawa means something else but he knows that it’s just wishful thinking. “How was the kiss?”

Silence follows the question, the sound of their breathing soothing Hajime’s nerves. He can feel the back of Oikawa’s hand against his own and he wants to reach and thread his fingers between Oikawa’s long ones. Oikawa’s knuckles drag across Hajime’s so lightly that Hajime thinks he imagined it so he finally answers.

“It was nice.” He says into the quiet, his whispered voice doing an okay job to hide how breathless he feels.

“Just nice?” Oikawa whispers back.

He shrugs. “I liked kissing her. I like her. It’s just... it feels like something’s missing. Like I could keep kissing her forever and it would be really nice but that’s all it would ever be.”

“Just nice.”

“Yeah.” Hajime wants Oikawa to say more, ask him more, pull the confession from his lips and so he asks, “Have you had a kiss that was more than just nice?”

It feels reckless and his heart slams against his rib cage as he waits for Oikawa to say something.

“Yes.” Oikawa answers after a beat. “Some are nicer than others but pretty much all of them are just nice.”

“All of them?”

He thinks he feels Oikawa’s knuckles brush his again. “Not all of them... some I think about a lot more than others or want to do again more than others.”

His courage is lost. He can’t risk it, doesn’t want to know who Oikawa thinks about more than others. Silence fills the room again. 

“I hope she thought it was nice too.”

Oikawa lets out a quiet, breathy laugh. “You’re a good kisser, Iwa. She definitely thought it was more than nice.”

Hajime’s heart thunders in his chest and without thinking, he slides his fingers through Oikawa’s, like they’d done hundreds of times as children. Oikawa’s hand squeezes his and he feels grounded, settled.

He hopes that being with the right person makes him feel like this like he is strong and sturdy and warm.

Sixteen:

“Oikawa-san!” A high-pitched voice says behind them as they walk toward where Makki and Mattsun are waiting by their tree.

Hajime turns and watches a red-faced girl lunge forward and stuff an envelope into Oikawa’s hand. She runs away before Oikawa can even respond.

Hajime lets out a startled laugh and Oikawa turns and grins at him.

“It’s always the quiet ones I’d actually be interested in that don’t give me a chance to say anything.” He sighs and stuffs the letter into his back pocket before settling back into his walk beside Hajime.

“You interested in her?”

“Well I mean I think she’s cute and her answers in Lit are interesting.”

Hajime nods. He likes her too, likes the way she always tries to help everyone in her groups and asks questions others are too scared to ask.

“You can’t sit with us anymore,” Makki says around a bite of food as they take their seats on the grass, hoping to soak up some of the nice weather. “All the cute girls only see you and we get ignored.”

“Maybe I’ll just hide behind Iwa-chan and his ugliness will make you guys shine.”

Hajime rolls his eyes. “You’d think your rotten personality would be enough of a deterrent but the girls can’t seem to smell your bullshit.”

Oikawa’s laugh is his fake nice one and Hajime feels a brief moment of victory for landing his jab. “Girls like the bad boys.”

Hajime snorts. “Shittykawa you scream every time a bug lands on you. You get so much anxiety at the thought of breaking a rule that you call me at three in the morning to make me listen to your what-if scenarios.”

“I don’t do that anymore!”

He rolls his eyes. “You did it last week.”

“That was different!” It technically was different since it was about letting the team down but the sentiment still stands: Oikawa is a people pleaser and he can’t manage the thought of disappointing anyone.

“Sure. How about this? Skip practice. Skip school. Don’t turn in your homework. Turn in an assignment late.”

Makki snorts and chokes on his lunch. Mattsun leans forward and slaps him on the back.

“There’s nothing wrong with being a good kid. The girls like you knowing full well you’re a rule follower.” He finally gasps out after chugging half his water bottle.

Oikawa yanks his lunch out of his bag and aggressively unwraps it. “I could be a bad boy if I wanted.”

Makki pats his leg to reassure him. “Of course you could. You’re already a shitty person, not too much of a jump to bad boy.”

Oikawa points a finger at him. “Exactly.”

\--

One of the worst things about realizing how in love with Oikawa he is is he can’t help but notice everything about Oikawa.

Most recently, the number of times Oikawa touches him in a day. A hand on his back, reaching for his hand in huddles, slaps as he walks by, shoulders bumping on their way home.

Hajime wants it to keep going.

He wants it to stop.

—

“Look, Iwa-chan. I know I’m right about this. There’s no way I’m wrong.”

“You don’t know that!”

“Yes, I do!” Oikawa pulls his laptop forward and starts typing away. He scrolls through the page he’s on until he finds whatever he was looking for. He flips the screen around and points at it, arm stretching at a weird angle for Hajime to get a good look.

The screen reads: ‘It’s estimated that the universe is 93 billion light-years.’

“Yeah I mean we all know it’s huge. That doesn’t mean that aliens exist.”

Oikawa throws his hands in the air in frustration, a small growl leaving his lips. Hajime tries to fight back a smile; he’s just fucking with Oikawa after all. He was being particularly difficult during practice and Hajime likes to put him in his place now and again.

“How does it not? There are NINETY-THREE BILLION LIGHT YEARS, AT LEAST, OF SPACE. In all of that, you’re telling me that there’s not one planet with life on it?”

Hajime shrugs and leans back against Oikawa’s headboard. “No, all I’m saying is that technically you have no proof that those planets do have life.”

Oikawa narrows his eyes and jabs a finger into Hajime’s side in the one place he knows will make him flinch.

“You’re being a shit right now, Iwaizumi.” He yanks his laptop back to him and crosses his arms. “You know I’m right.”

“He’s right!” Makki pipes up from his place on the floor. Hajime looks over at him and rolls his eyes at the number of candy wrappers around him. “Like, why would he be wrong about this? It seems a bit conceited to think we’re alone, ya’ know?” He tosses a piece of candy at Oikawa, who catches it easily and pops it into his mouth.

“This is why Makki is my best friend.”

Hajime kicks at Oikawa.

“Oh, by the way, Issei texted and said we should get started. He’s running late. Had to help his parents with something.” Hajime doesn’t miss the furrow of Makki’s brow but he doesn’t say anything and instead looks to Oikawa, who he knows won’t miss that look either.

Oikawa narrows his eyes but says nothing. Makki and Mattsun have their own little bubble and Hajime and Oikawa know not to push it. Oikawa eventually shrugs and looks away. 

“We can do something else. I don’t want to start it without him.” He turns to Hajime and grins a grin laced with mischief.

Makki groans. “No.”

“Two against one!”

“Iwa hasn’t voted yet!”

“Like he’d ever turn it down.”

Hajime has no idea what’s happening. He watches Oikawa reach under his bed and it clicks into place. He holds the movies up and shows them off, his face breaking out into his best grin.

“Godzilla, original, Godzilla vs. Mothra, or the newest one?”

“Original.” He says immediately. Makki groans.

“That’s the worst one!”

“It’s the best one,” Oikawa says as he hauls himself off the bed and puts the DVD into the Xbox. He tosses the controller to Hajime and points at him. “Popcorn?” He’s already walking to the door, only turning around once Hajime nods.

Hajime turns the controller on and opens up the DVD app, getting the movie ready.

“He’s only torturing me with this because he feels bad.” Makki groans from the floor, his face buried in a pillow.

“Why would he feel bad?” Hajime presses play to get through the credits and turns his attention back to Makki, who’s lifted his head to look at Hajime, one brow raised in question.

“Because he canceled your sleepover for next weekend?” When Hajime just stares at him he continues, “For that date with the new girl he’s dating?”

Hajime blinks once. Twice. Before realization dawns on him.

Oikawa has a girlfriend he told Makki about. Oikawa has a girlfriend he hasn’t told Hajime about.

Makki bites his lip, realizing at the same time that Hajime has no idea what he’s talking about. He stands up and stretches.

“I’m going to see if I can help Issei finish what he needs to and then we’ll come back over. Hopefully this”—he gestures to the TV—“shit show is done by the time we get back and then we can start the tournament.”

Hajime just nods and watches as Makki walks out. He hears voices in the hall and then Oikawa is walking back in, a bowl of popcorn in his arms.

“Makki said he’s going to help Mattsun,” Hajime says as Oikawa settles next to him, the bowl placed between them.

“Yeah, so he said when he passed me.” Hajime ignores the look he can feel boring into the side of his face and stares straight ahead at the movie.

“You guys have an argument or something? You both seem weird.”

Hajime debates for the briefest of moments about lying but his mouth betrays him. “You have a girlfriend you told Makki about....” He trails off before he can add the part he’s really upset about.

Oikawa reaches over and pauses the movie, shifting so he’s facing Hajime.

“I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret.”

“I figured... I just thought this is stuff that you and me talk about and it’s weird you hid it from me.” His face heats. “We’ve seen each other every day this week and you didn’t mention it.”

Oikawa doesn’t answer, anxiously chewing his lip as he stares at the bedspread between them.

Oikawa gets a lot of confessions and Hajime has no right to feel the way he does about them. He even gets his own here and there. But girls. Girls have always been his and Oikawa’s subject, a nice barrier for him to put his thoughts about Oikawa behind.

“I’m not mad, it just feels weird that you told him and not me. So no sleepover next week. That was supposed to be Star Wars weekend but we can move it.” Hajime looks back at the screen and pressed play. He doesn’t want to talk about this anymore, figures he should probably ask who the girl is.

He doesn’t. Instead, he focuses on the movie.

“Makki was there when she asked me out and he asked about it later,” Oikawa says and grabs the controller, pausing the movie again. “I can reschedule the date… I forgot about Star Wars, I’m sorry.”

Hajime sighs loudly. “Stupidkawa, don’t. Can we just watch the movie?”

“You’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you.”

“You’re not even interested in knowing who it is?”

Hajime leans his head back against the headboard and closes his eyes. “Who’s your girlfriend?”

“Ito Himari.” He knows her, knows she’s liked Oikawa for a while. She asked Hajime to pass a note along last year. He did and Oikawa hadn’t mentioned it since.

“What made you say yes this time?”

“I never said no last year and she told me how she felt again this year,” Oikawa says. “I wanted to get to know her better before asking her out.”

“And have you?”

“Yeah. We’ve been hanging out for a little while.”

Hajime drops his head to the side and opens his eyes to look at Oikawa. “Ah. A while. Which is why you think I’m mad at you.”

Oikawa chucks popcorn at him. “I think you’re mad at me because you’re making your disappointed face at me.”

Hajime figures he is. Oikawa knows him just as well as he knows Oikawa. Except Hajime doesn’t keep secrets. Well, that’s a lie. He keeps one secret.

“I don’t know. I guess I just feel a little hurt you didn’t tell me. It’s dumb and I’ll get over it.”

Oikawa bites his lip. “I wanted to tell you.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know.” But Hajime can tell from his face that he’s lying. His stomach drops. Maybe he’s not as good at hiding his secret as he thinks.

“Maybe your girlfriend can help me finally get one.”

Oikawa is silent for a long while before he starts the movie again. Hajime can feel his eyes burning a hole into the side of his face but he keeps staring ahead, ignoring the weird throbbing in his chest. Eventually, Oikawa moves the bowl and shifts, laying his head in Hajime’s lap. Without thinking, Hajime’s hand buries itself in the soft strands.

“If that’s what you want, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa finally says.

It’s not what he wants.

Seventeen:

They’re lying on the floor of Oikawa’s bedroom, heads next to each other, listening to music. The MP3 player sits between them, headphone cord curling toward each of them. 

Hajime likes looking at Oikawa from this angle, likes the long line of his nose, the way his lashes fan across his pale skin, and the small gap between his lips. Even from here, Hajime can see they’re chapped. Oikawa chews and licks his lips when he’s anxious and Hajime knows the frigid, dry air of winter hasn’t helped at all. 

He can hear the laughter of their parents, Shiori, and Takeru from downstairs but he focuses on the slow strum of the guitar between them. 

“I like this one.” Oikawa says after a moment.”

Hajime does too. “It reminded me of you.”

“Tell me why.”

 _And at once, I knew I was not magnificent  
Hilled far from the highway aisle  
Jagged vacance, thick with ice  
But I could see for miles, miles, miles_  
(Holocene by Bon Iver)

Hajime feels like maybe he should feel embarrassed like maybe he should hold his tongue but he says what he wants to say. “I think he’s climbing to the top, reaching towards his goals but when he looks back at everything he’s passed and done, he realizes that he’s so small in the world.”

Oikawa cocks his head, a small smile on his lips. “So he gets to where he’s going and realizes it doesn’t matter?”

“No, he’s looking back on his life and he realizes that there are all these moments in life that he regrets but he looks within himself and finds that he’s both special and not special at the same time. In the grand scheme of things, he’s nothing but in these moments of his life, he’s everything.”

“Why does that remind you of me?”

Hajime bites his lip and pulls for ten seconds of courage. “Because every inch on the court, you earn. You compare yourself to Kageyama and his god-given talent, but you weren’t born with that. You pushed yourself until you stood with each of those prodigies, made them acknowledge you as their equal, as someone to fear.”

Oikawa’s cheeks flush pink and his slow, quiet smile spread across his lips. They fall into easy silence again, the music playing between them. 

\--

Oikawa shoves his way into Hajime’s room, a bunch of letters clutched in his hand and his overnight bag thrown over his shoulder. It hits the door and knocks Oikawa off-balance, causing him to catch himself with his shoulder on the door frame. 

Hajime doesn’t remember Oikawa getting so tall, so broad. 

Oikawa doesn’t acknowledge his clumsy entrance and instead drops his bag as he tries to close the door with his foot. There’s not enough force and he has to turn around and push it shut with his foot a second time. He doesn’t even look at where Hajime is sitting on the edge of his bed, Xbox controller in his hands. Hajime watches as Oikawa drops the letters on his desk and begins to open each of the drawers until he pulls out a similar stack of letters.

“What are you doing?” The stack he’s pulled out are letters from coaches asking him to come visit their university or contacting them in regards to scholarship opportunities. He doesn’t know how Oikawa knows they exist or where they were.

“Looking for these.” Oikawa grabs his own stack and climbs into the bed with Hajime, putting the stacks between them. “You didn’t mention you’d received any and we haven’t talked about next year yet. I figured you were putting it off like me.”

Hajime sets the controller to the side and grabs at Oikawa’s stack. It’s mostly letters from colleges with teams Hajime has no chance to play for but there’s a few letters he has as well. “You can’t be serious? You’re going to make your college decision based on where I go?” He holds up one of the letters. “Shittykawa, Chu-Dai? No. You can’t be this much of a dumbass. Chu-Dai contacts you and you want to pretend you should go somewhere with me?”

Oikawa rolls his eyes but doesn’t look up from where he’s begun to sort Hajime’s letters into two piles. “I don’t want to go to Chuo.”

He reaches over and yanks the last letter out of Oikawa’s hand, forcing him to look up.

“Don’t be a dumbass. You should go to the school with the best team.” 

“I don’t want to.” He snatches the letter back and adds it to one of the piles, moving that pile to the side and picking up the other one. “These are the same ones I got. We choose from these.”

There are at least four letters in his hand and Hajime’s stomach clenches. “Don’t be stupid. Don’t make a decision ‘cause you’ll miss me.”

Oikawa places them one by one between them and Hajime counts five. “We choose from these. We go together.”

“No, Shittykawa. You go to the best of those.” He points to the other pile and tries to reach for them but Oikawa stops him and shoves his wrist away. He tries again and Oikawa shifts his body, effectively blocking him. He sighs in defeat and sits back. “Why are you being like this?”

A small blush tinges Oikawa’s cheeks pink as he meets Hajime’s eyes. “I want to keep playing with you. If we make it professionally, there’s less control where we end up, no promise we end up on the same team.” He bites his lip. “C’mon, Hajime. I know you want to keep playing together for just a little longer, right? So why not?”

Of course, he wants it, wants to keep following Oikawa until he can’t anymore. 

“Okay.” He agrees. He feels guilt settle in his stomach and he selfishly pushes it aside as he looks at the five letters in front of him. He immediately pulls two aside and points to the other three. “We choose from these.”

Oikawa looks them over quickly and grins, pointing at one. “This is the one I’m going to be pushing for. We should arrange visits with the coaches and our parents.”

—

“And they were roommates,” Mattsun whispers loudly to Makki.

Hajime wants to punch him but Mattsun moves out of reach before he can.

“Oh my god, they were roommates.” Makki loudly whispers back. Hajime does punch him. “Oi! Iwa, what the hell!” He rubs his shoulder and throws a glare Hajime’s way.

“Honestly we’re shocked that you two have decided to go to the same college and room together and spend the rest of your lives together.” Mattsun deadpans.

“Shocked.” Makki echoes.

Oikawa rolls his eyes. “As opposed to you two, who are staying here for college and moving in together.”

“Yeah, but we never pretended our plan was a surprise.”

Hajime and Oikawa share a look.


	4. Eighteen through Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing in the Haikyuu!! universe and all credit goes to the creators.
> 
> A/N: Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a comment with any typos you have seen or to let me know what you think! Always willing to take some constructive criticism to continue to improve. This work is fully written and is being posted as I go through and finish editing each part. This work has a spotify playlist: [Nothing Ever Rivals You](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/45B6rtRAGpTqpfSO8fHV5i?si=UVO3AJyiT4K_TAS_Ap_uXQ)

Eighteen and Nineteen:

Hajime leans back against the soft cushions of the couch and cracks another beer. It’s a weekend off, a weekend from their coach meant to help the team rest and recover from the tournament they’d endured the past couple of weekends.

He and Oikawa had decided to put it to a different use: the annual X-Files binge featuring all of their favorite episodes. They’d been drinking since noon and Hajime isn’t sure how many he’s had anymore, hadn’t bothered to keep count. He feels extremely happy and he grins at where Oikawa is laughing beside him, his own beer clutched in his hand. 

“We’re both in agreement that Jose Chung is the best X-Files episode in existence because of how fucking funny it is but I think, hands down, the best real, plot-driven episode is Two-Fathers.”

“That’s fair. But you’re wrong. The best one is One Breath.”

Oikawa grins. “You’re such a fucking romantic, Iwa-chan.”

Hajime smiles broadly and raises his beer in admittance. He’s too drunk to care or argue, especially when he knows he likes that particular episode specifically because of the way it shows how important Mulder and Scully are to each other.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa says, his tone a sad attempt at serious. “I have a question. A very, very important question.” 

“I’m ready.” Hajime leans back against the arm of the couch, one arm thrown across the back cushion. “Lay it on me.”

“I don’t think you’re ready,” Oikawa says, leaning forward. He’s trying to control his laughter, eyes crinkling in the corners, his dimple permanently carved into his cheek for the evening. Hajime loves it.

He gestures to himself. “I couldn’t be more ready. I got a new beer, I’m relaxed. Lay it on me, baby.”

“Okay.” Oikawa starts and then stops, bursting out in a quick laugh. “Okay. This is serious.” He waves his hand slowly down his face, looking up with a straight face. “Who would you bang?”

“X-files edition?”

“X-files edition.”

“Okay. Okay.” He thinks about it for a moment. “How many?”

Oikawa throws his head back in another laugh, snorting as he inhales. His head snaps forward and his hand flies to cover his nose. Hajime recognizes orange dust on the tips of his fingers and lunges forward, yanking it forward to examine. 

“Grosskawa. Dorito dust all over your bony fingers.” He tosses the hand back and Oikawa grins, sticking his index finger in his mouth and quickly cleaning the residue off. 

“Just. One.” Oikawa finally answers, jabbing his wet finger to emphasize the number. He sticks his thumb in his mouth and quickly cleans it off too. “Do or die.”

“I don’t want to answer that.” Hajime sighs and sits up straighter, holding his own finger up in front of him. “One? Just one? Well, I mean… god this one choice is going to say so much about me.”

“If you say Scully, I’ll know you’re lying.”

“What? How!? She’s cute… I guess? Like I’d bang her.”

“You’d bang her but she’s not your one choice. You’re into the tall girls and she’d immediately doubt all your stupid monster theories.”

“Godzilla could theoretically exist!”

“Iwa! Focus!”

“Fine. I mean, I gu—,”

“No, he couldn’t.”

“—ess it would be Skinner.”

Oikawa barks out another laugh. Hajime’s cheeks hurt from how hard he’s been smiling but they stretch further and he’s sure he feels them start to cramp.

“Skinner?! No! Really? You have Foxy Mulder, you have Ryan Reynolds or Jack Black as side characters and you would bang Skinner?”

“I’d bang Skinner. I swear on my life.”

“But why!? He’s so boring looking! Like out of anyone in any episode?”

“Hands down. I would bang Assistant Director Walter Skinner. And I’ll tell you why.” Hajime sits forward. “Are you ready?”

“Lay it on me.” Oikawa lounges back, tossing one long arm across the back of the couch. “I’m relaxed. I got a mostly full beer. I’m ready.”

“Alright. I’m telling you why.”

“Tell me. Convince me that he’s number one bangability on that show.”

“It’s simple.”

“It’s the glasses, isn’t it?”

“It’s the fucking glasses!” Hajime exclaims, leaning back again and laughing. “But also because of all that shit with Krycek. And he’s an underrated member of the team. He’s the inside man, ya’ know? He’s their bureaucrat and I dig it.”

Oikawa rubs his eyes as he thinks. “You got me. I’d bang him. I respect it.”

Hajime points. “Okay. You. Just one.” 

Hajime already knows the answer and says, “Mulder” at the same time Oikawa says: “Foxy Mulder.” 

“That’s just because he’d turn you on with all that talk of aliens.” Hajime tilts his head down with his best attempt at bedroom eyes, wiggling his eyebrows, and whispers as seductively as he can. “I’ve been abducted by aliens. I know what’s really inside area fifty-one.”

Oikawa cackles again and nudges Hajime’s leg with his socked foot. “Okay, okay. But Hajime, you have to admit part of what makes this show so great is the fucking chemistry between Mulder and Scully, like the will they, won’t they. Like you know they’re soulmates but they don’t know their soulmates.” Hajime watches Oikawa gesture fiercely, voice passionate, his brow scrunching as he thinks to make his point. “The implicit trust, the way they can read each other with just a look.” 

“How do you know they’re not just close friends?” Hajime asks as he takes another sip of his beer. He thinks of the secret language he and Oikawa have. They know each other’s tells with a quick look, what the other is thinking before they speak.

Oikawa finishes his own beer, squishing the can in his fist. Hajime follows the cord of muscle that wraps up his forearm before forcing himself to look back up at Oikawa’s flushed face. He smiles, big and unguarded. Oikawa has so many smiles but this one has always felt like it was reserved for Hajime.

“Well I mean, obviously there’s too much sexual tension for that. But shouldn’t your soulmate and best friend be the same person?” And Hajime wonders if this lump in his throat is from the thought of imagining Oikawa calling someone else his best friend or from the thought of Oikawa’s soulmate being someone other than him. 

He briefly wonders if this is the time he starts coughing up flower petals. 

Oikawa suddenly stills his eyes snapping to Hajime’s, wide in embarrassment. “That sounds weird! I didn’t mean—I don’t think—”

Hajime finally snaps back from his thoughts and waves his hand to dismiss Oikawa. His heart thunders in his chest and he makes to stand, feeling suddenly like he needs some water or some air. He stumbles away into the kitchen and grabs a water bottle before leaning back against the wall, losing his balance and sliding to the floor. He leans back against the wall and takes a large drink.

“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa walks in after him. “Why are you on the floor?” He offers his hand and Hajime pulls him down to the ground with him.

“We might have drunk too much,” Hajime says.

Oikawa snorts and crawls forward, pulling the water bottle from Hajime’s hand and taking a swig. Hajime watches his throat bob with each gulp and looks up, meeting Oikawa’s eyes. Oikawa sets the bottle aside and moves forward, quicker than Hajime is ready for, and presses their lips together. Hajime’s head hits the wall hard but he barely notices. His brain stops thinking and he pulls Oikawa closer by the collar of his t-shirt, Oikawa’s hand burying itself in his hair.

Their movements are desperate and clumsy as they try to feel every inch of the other. Hajime thinks he can hear Mulder yelling for Scully in the background. 

\--

Hajime wakes with the worst hangover he’s had in months. His head pounds to the beat of his heart and his mouth simultaneously tastes like he’d eaten and licked a skunk the previous night. He tosses an arm over his face and groans, irritated with himself for not drinking enough water and far too much alcohol.

His one weekend free and he and Oikawa decide that was the weekend they needed to drink their weight in alcohol. He rubs his eyes and wills his brain to pull just one memory from last night, trying to figure out at least how much sleep he got.

_Oikawa._

_X-Files._

Panic courses through his body as memories flash through his mind. Bits and pieces that fill his stomach with lead: Oikawa’s lips on his, his hands running along Oikawa’s torso, stumbling back to his bed. He remembers whispering _Tooru_ like he was something precious, something perfect. Oikawa trailing his fingers and lips across his chest, up his neck. 

He remembers thinking that he should stop, that maybe they were too drunk but with every brush of lips or caress of skin, his mind went blank.

His stomach churns and bile burns a path up his throat.

He reaches out and finds the other side cold under his fingers as if it’s been empty for a while. Pressing his palms to his eyes, he forces himself to take five deep breaths to control his rising panic. He listens for any noise in the apartment, feeling calmer when he hears the familiar Saturday noise of gunshots and explosions from the Xbox, Oikawa yelling at who could only be Makki and Mattsun.

With a herculean effort, he pulls himself from the bed and grabs a pair of shorts. He presses his forehead to his bedroom door, listening to the familiar morning sounds to help him build his courage. He remembers the way he used to act in front of Oikawa and attempts to picture the way he’s sitting on the couch, headset microphone almost touching his lips, leaning forward with his elbows resting above his knees, hands between his legs holding the controller.

The memory does nothing to dislodge the nervous energy in his chest. 

He forces the door open and his eyes immediately find Oikawa’s shoulders, tense at the sudden noise. He’s always been shit at hiding his emotions from Hajime. He waits a moment, waiting for acknowledgment of what happened but Oikawa shows nothing, continuing to yell over the gunshots. 

Hajime knows that he’s meant to join them, that he’s meant to act like everything is normal like he hadn’t moaned Oikawa’s name the night before, but he needs a moment.

So he pauses. He pauses long enough to notice that Oikawa has already signed him into the game and that he has died upwards of fifteen times. He stomps over to the other side of the couch and snatches his controller and head set up off the coffee table. He pointedly does not look at his best friend as he hears Mattsun and Makki’s voices crackle through the earpieces.

“You absolute pieces of shit.” He says as he maneuvers his own character out of its spawn position and into the fray.

“Iwa!” Makki’s voice pipes up cheerfully, doing just enough to calm his frayed nerves. “Oikawa said that you were sleeping in on us.”

“You guys let me die sixteen times during this game?”

“You decided to sleep in on our weekend tradition?”

“I guess expecting you and Shittykawa to keep me alive while I’m catching up on sleep is really too much to ask but betrayal from Mattsun is almost too much to bear.”

Mattsun’s deep laugh comes through his headphones. “Hey, Makki has to get his kills somewhere or he gets moody.”

Hajime grins as Makki comes into view and shoots him. 

“Aw Iwa, that’s rude. Oikawa, tell him how this was for his own good.”

He notices Oikawa sit up straighter beside him and when his voice comes through the mic, it’s strangely raspy.

“Here I was, thinking I was doing him a favor. Now he finally has an excuse for dying so much.” Hajime lets himself smile and falls into the easy banter between him and his high school friends. “Ungrateful.”

“Bite me.”

“I’d volunteer for that,” Mattsun says. “Be there in five hours.” He hears Makki cracking up and he can see Oikawa’s wide grin out of the corner of his eye.

When they finish the round a few minutes later, he grabs Oikawa’s controller and announces they’ll be on later before he easily exits the chat for both of them. He allows himself to look at Oikawa then, allows himself to think through the consequences of last night.

Oikawa looks as uncomfortable as he feels, his face painted pink, hair mussed and sticking up each way like he’d been fucking with it every couple of seconds. Like usual, he’s sitting on their couch in a t-shirt and his dark gray sweatpants rolled up above his ankle. He smiles awkwardly at Hajime and rubs the back of his head, the long muscles of his bicep stretching and flexing upwards.

Hajime swallows, trying to focus on his face. “We need to talk.”

Oikawa’s throat bobs and he looks away. “Nah, I did some research and I think it’s pretty normal for best friends—”

Hajime snatches his hand from the air, where it had been traveling to his hair to run through it for what he can only assume is the millionth time that morning.

“Normal?” Is all he asks, tone laced with doubt. 

He needs to know if there was any chance at all Oikawa had felt what he had, feels what he does. You don’t just kiss your best friend like that on a whim, right? Oikawa had kissed him so earnestly, so purposefully. It couldn’t have been nothing.

“Oh yeah, Iwa-chan. Me and you came out to each other in high school… and we trust each other…and it’s only normal that we’d be the person the other tries to experiment with…” His voice drifts off and Hajime hears the hitch, the slight rise in pitch. Oikawa clears his throat. “Sorry.” He says, his voice thick and far away.

Hajime pulls his hand away, retreating to the far end of the couch. “I—,” he starts before Oikawa waves a hand between them, his lips forming a thin line as his face sets determinedly.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you last night.” He says, his eyes looking at a spot on the couch between them. “I don’t want to lose you over some stupid impulse. I was drunk and I wasn’t thinking.” He smiles sheepishly and Hajime realizes he can see something in Oikawa’s eyes, something he’s seen a million times before. 

But this time… this time he realizes it might look just like longing, like the look he sees on his face in the reflection of windows and mirrors they’ve passed as he watches Oikawa. The confession burns in his chest, fueled by naïve hope.

“I need to say something and if you want to pretend I never said it afterward, we can do that,” Hajime says quickly. He moves a little closer, the center cushion, two feet wide, separating them. He wills his courage to give him thirty seconds more, wills himself to be brave, and put it all out there. He can’t bring himself to look at Oikawa yet, knows that Oikawa will be able to read whatever he’s feeling if he does. He balls his hands into fists and clenches his jaw before spitting out: “I’ve thought about kissing you like that my entire life, wanted to say this for as long as I can remember.”

He looks up at Oikawa then, searching his face for any sign that he was wrong, that Oikawa wants him to stop, but Oikawa is staring back, eyes wide and mouth open in shock. Hajime forces himself to keep going.

“Since we were little, I’ve watched so many girls tell you how much they liked you, tell you how cute they thought you were or funny or how great you were. All these stupid people, who didn’t know you like I do but were so much braver than me.” He swallows but forces himself to keep looking at Oikawa, forces himself to say everything he’s wanted to say, the stupid speeches he’s daydreamed about for as long as he can remember. “I think about the time you kissed me at the park every fucking day. I like everything about you. Your stupid smiles and laughs. Your stupid obsession with aliens and paranormal shit. I like how hard you try, how driven you are. Maybe yesterday was a mistake and if you don’t feel the same way about me then I promise I can move on. I don’t want to lose you but I just… I can’t not tell you.” 

A beat of time passes and then another and he thinks his cracked heart might finally shatter any minute now.

“You sound like you’re in love with me, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa says quietly.

Hajime’s heart is beating so hard it hurts. His throat burns and he knows before he speaks that his voice is going to shake, is going to break.

“Always have been.” 

Oikawa is silent and Hajime thinks he read him wrong for once, thinks he’s going to pass out from the effort it takes to control his breathing. He knows this could ruin everything, knows that Oikawa is going to reject him, knows that he’s going to lose him. He squeezes his eyes shut and wants to pray, silently cursing himself since he hasn’t worshipped anything but Oikawa since he was a child.

“Me too.” He hears Oikawa whisper and Hajime knows he’s breaking, knows he’s going to cry right before the stupid tears slip down his face. He opens his eyes and sees the stupid grin on Oikawa’s face, his perfect lips stretched over his stupidly straight white teeth and he digs his fingers into Oikawa’s shirt and yanks him forward.

“Good.” Is all he says before he presses their lips together in the way he’s always wanted to do and Oikawa kisses him back, his long fingers coming up to cup his face, sliding slowly into his hair. It’s as perfect as their first kiss and Hajime knows that this is it for him. There was never anyone else he could have loved, only Shittykawa.

They break apart and Oikawa presses their foreheads together, closing his eyes as a small lazy smile forms on his lips. Hajime has always wanted to trace Oikawa’s smiles, memorize their feel and shape and so he lifts his hand to run his thumb across it. 

What did he do in his past lives to be able to share his whole life with someone like this?

After a moment, Oikawa whispers, “Do you believe in soulmates?”

And the thing is, he does. He thinks about Oikawa at age five with sticky fingers, of them at seven giggling as they put glow in the dark stars on their ceilings, of Oikawa in his first uniform a few years later and how Hajime blushed when he realized he liked how it clung to his shoulders a little too much, Oikawa stealing the last of his popsicles, of his laughs and his smiles, Oikawa’s serious face on the court, and his face when he wakes up in the morning with his mouth always slightly open, arm thrown above his head. He thinks of Oikawa, Oikawa, Oikawa.

“Fuck.” He answers, his voice desperately hoarse, and drops his head to bury it deep into Oikawa’s shoulder. He knows his cheeks are pink and he’s grateful it’s hidden. Oikawa nuzzles his nose into the curve of Hajime’s neck and he shudders as a warm breathy laugh ghosts across his collar bone. 

“Me too.”

Hajime presses his face into Oikawa’s t-shirt, breathes him in while he pulls him closer. He feels too exposed, too fragile but Oikawa is firm against him.

“You’re my best friend,” Oikawa says.

“You’re mine too.”

Nineteen:

Nineteen is one of Hajime’s favorite years. Nothing really changes between them but everything is lighter. 

He hasn’t told Oikawa he loves him in those three words and Oikawa hasn’t said it to him.

But he knows. He can see it in the way they exist together and he thinks back to high school and how he missed so many signs that they were both pining.

He doesn’t regret anything though, doesn’t care that it took eighteen years for them to spill their secret. This is better. The touches don’t make his head spin and his gut clench; they make him feel calm and safe and like pulling Oikawa closer, kissing his cheek or his lips, telling him how much he’s always loved his long fingers.

It’s the same, but it’s so much better because he doesn’t have to hide anything anymore.

“Hey Hajime,” Oikawa whispers into the dark living room, his head in Hajime’s lap. Hajime likes the way the soft flashing light from the TV illuminates his face. “What do you want your future to look like?” 

He thinks about it for a moment. He wants his life to be with Oikawa, with nights like this and mornings where they’re talking around coffee and toothbrushes and rushed goodbyes before going to work. He wants to watch Oikawa grin at him and wants to see fine lines etch themselves into his face.

He likes the idea of existing with Oikawa until they grow old. 

“Kind of like this.” He says and tugs lightly at a soft strand of hair before they fall back into an easy silence, the TV the only sound in their small apartment for a few moments. It makes Hajime feel home and he smiles before leaning down, pressing his lips into Oikawa’s temple. “Hey Shittykawa, I love you.”

Oikawa smiles and Hajime watches his dimple carve itself into his cheek. “I know, Iwa-chan.”

Oikawa says it a week later when they’re watching a Godzilla marathon.

“This is the best one. I think this should be the one we end on.” Hajime says, holding up one of the DVD boxes. He furrows his brow as he looks at the boxes around him, trying to decide with one to start with. He finds one of the newer ones and opens the box, looking up at Oikawa for approval. “We’ll start with this one, yeah?”

Oikawa is smiling his quiet smile, the one that means that he’s thinking and savoring a moment. “Hey Iwa-chan, I love you.”

Hajime smiles softly back. “I know, Shittykawa.”

\--

They tell Shiori and Takeru first. Shiori peppers Hajime’s face with kisses and asks him a million questions about their “love story”.

Takeru just rolls his eyes and keeps playing video games with Oikawa. “Ugh mom, you’re being so embarrassing right now. Let him go.”

They wait till they go home to Miyagi to tell their parents.

Hajime corners his parents as they finish cooking before the Oikawa’s come over. 

“Um.” He feels his face heat and the drumming in his chest reminds him that this is real. “I have to tell you guys something.”

They don’t stop cooking but his dad looks up from the meat he has been seasoning and slicing to let Hajime know they’re listening. Hajime leans against the doorway and looks to his mom who turns from the stove to smile at him.

“Tooru and I are dating, for a couple of months now.”

His dad groans. “I will never be able to escape them now.”

His mother laughs delightedly, a smile spreading wide across her face. “My son is dating my best friend's son. This is the stuff you dream about. I have to call Kanako.”

“They’re going to be here in an hour, can’t you wait till then?” His dad says, voice tired. He accepts the spatula she gives him and holds it out to Hajime. Hajime grabs it and moves out of his mother’s way. As she passes, she stands on her toes and gives Hajime’s cheek a quick kiss before continuing down the hall.

Tooru had told his parents earlier that morning before swearing them to secrecy until Hajime had told his for this exact reason.

Hajime moves toward the stove and continues where his mother left off. The kitchen is silent around them, the sizzling of the vegetables in the pan filling the air between them. He wants his father to say something or give some indication about what he’s thinking.

“Tooru is a really great guy, dad. I know it’s probably not—,” Hajime starts before his father tosses a chunk of carrot at him.

“I know Tooru is a great kid. I’ve watched you two grow up together.” His father continues chopping for a moment before his knife stills. “I love you, Hajime. I’m am very happy for you two. It is a brave thing to listen to what your heart is telling you and to act on it.”

Hajime smiles at the vegetables and pours in some sauce. His heart has always beat for Oikawa.

\--

“We should go on an actual first date,” Oikawa says as he scrubs the bowl in his hand, suds floating around his deft fingers.

Hajime steps close and wraps his arms around Oikawa’s waist, burying his nose in the crook of his neck. He presses his lips to the soft skin there before letting his nose skim up the side. Oikawa shivers at the light contact.

“The dream first date?” He says, recalling a conversation they’d had a few years ago.

Oikawa shakes as he laughs and places the clean bowl in the drying rack before reaching for the next dish. “You gave that away already, didn’t you?”

Hajime grins. “Nope. I stupidly saved it for you.”

Oikawa dries his hands on a dishtowel and turns around, his arms draping themselves over Hajime’s shoulders.

“I was thinking we go to a good restaurant, like one that just has good food. Maybe that one place Mattsun recommended.” Hajime closes his eyes as Oikawa runs his fingers through his hair. “Maybe then we catch a game. Baseball’s in season, right? Get some beers. Come back here, watch a movie. Ideally, one we both like.”

“And I thought you don’t listen to anyone’s voice but your own,” Hajime says. Oikawa tugs lightly at his hair.

“No one’s voice is as nice as mine but you nag me so much I can never tell if it’s you or my conscience yelling at me.”

“A conscience? You have one of those?”

“You’re probably right. That’s why I was given an Iwa-chan at birth.” Hajime opens his eyes and grins and Oikawa smiles back his soft, open smile. His thumb traces the outline of Hajime’s lips. “I think we have to be two of the dumbest people on the planet. I keep thinking about all of these things that happened while we were growing up. I wanted to tell you how much I loved you at the park when we were fifteen but Makki and Mattsun showed up and I never got the courage again.”

Hajime grins. “It doesn’t matter. This was inevitable.”

He pushes Oikawa back and Oikawa pulls himself onto the counter, Hajime settled between his legs. “Oikawa and Iwaizumi. Written in the stars?”

Hajime kisses him, slow and sweet. When he separates he grins. “Shittykawa, you’re a sap.”

“I hate that I love that fucking nickname.”

Hajime’s grin widens. “It’s my favorite of all the variations. Assikawa is close though.”

Oikawa tosses his head back in a laugh, the bright sound filling their small kitchen. “I must be a shitty person to have all these names that call me out.”

“You’re truly the shittiest.”

“What does that say about you that you’re so into it?”

“This is out of my hands. I had no say in the matter.”

Oikawa hits his arm. “Rude, Iwa-chan.”

He pulls him down and kisses his stupid, pouting face. “I’d choose you, though. Always.”

“Sap.” Oikawa whispers, breathe tickling Hajime’s lips. “Always is a big word.”

He says it again. “Always, Tooru.”

Twenty:

“C’mon Iwa, dance with me.” Oikawa stands in front of where Hajime is leaning against their kitchen counter, shaking his shoulders in time with the pop song playing through the living room speakers. 

Hajime’s lips tug into an unwilling smile as he watches Oikawa turn around their small kitchen, his socked feet sliding across the floor with little sound. His slim fingers slide their way into Hajime’s and pulls him off the counter.

“You know I don’t like dancing,” Hajime says but lets Oikawa wrap his arm around his neck while his own snakes around his waist, his hand still intertwined with Oikawa’s.

“But you like me.”

“You overestimate your value to me.” He says but steps back to spin Oikawa before pulling him in close and placing a soft kiss on his lips.

“You guys are disgusting,” Makki says and tosses his empty can into the trash beside them.

“I’m sure Mattsun would have no problem dancing with you if asked him nicely,” Oikawa says in his sickly sweet voice, disentangling himself from Hajime and moving to drape himself over Makki. “Or hey, Makki, better idea: I’ll dance with you so you don’t have to be so jealous.”

Makki grabs Oikawa’s hand and spins him. “Oh, Oikawa. How did you know that what I really wanted was you?”

Hajime rolls his eyes and grabs two beers from the fridge. He walks back to the living room to rejoin a smiling Matsukawa, extending the second beer to him. They watch Oikawa and Makki spin around the kitchen giggling and stumbling over each other.

“Issei!” Makki laughs, his voice breathless. “Issei! Come dance with me!”

Mattsun smiles softly but shakes his head as he brings his beer to his lips. “Nah, I have a much better view from here.”

There’s a loud thump as Oikawa spins him into the trashcan but the fallen debris does nothing to deter the two until the song ends.

Oikawa tosses himself down on the couch and grabs the controller from the table. He leans over and presses a chaste kiss to Hajime’s cheek and then a second one to Makki’s who laughs as he wipes it off.

“We putting on the baseball game? Or can we watch something we all enjoy?”

“All in favor of baseball?” Mattsun asks and laughs as Hajime’s hand is the only one in the air. “All in favor of literally anything else?”

“You guys came here to watch the game!”

“We came here to visit Tokyo during our break,” Makki says and sighs as Oikawa puts the game on. “Oikawa you’ve gone soft.”

\--

Hajime is exhausted. His lab had run over and he’d had two lectures in a row before that. He opens the door and toes his shoes off. 

“Tooru, I’m home. Class ran late.” He makes his way into the living room and freezes when he sees Oikawa clutching his phone, very clearly pacing back and forth. “What’s wrong?”

“You should sit down.” Hajime drops his bag and does as he’s told, settling back into the cushions. Oikawa doesn’t immediately answer and Hajime continues to let him pace in front of him a few more times before he shoots his hand out and grabs Oikawa’s wrist, pulling him forward and forcing him to sit. Oikawa leans forward and presses his head into Hajime’s shoulder.

“You have to tell me what’s wrong. You’re making me worry.”

“Do you remember when I met Jose Blanco in high school?” He asks but continues without waiting. “He called me. He saw one of our games and he wants me to come to Argentina.”

“Shit, Tooru.” Hajime breathes after a beat. “That’s great news.”

It is great news but Oikawa’s shoulders tense and a heavy feeling settles in Hahime’s gut.

“What does it mean for us, though?” Oikawa finally asks.

“It doesn’t mean anything for us unless you want it to.” He rubs his face into the top of Oikawa’s head; the soft hair tickles his nose.

“I can turn it down.”

“Don’t make me hit you.”

“You could come with me.”

Hajime sighs deeply. He wants to keep following but he knows that’s not the choice he’s going to make. He wants to beg Oikawa to stay. He wants to make sure he’s not forgotten or replaced but he knows that’s just insecurity.

“You’re going somewhere I can’t follow. At least for a little while.”

Oikawa nods and wraps an arm around Hajime’s shoulders, pulling him closer until Hajime’s head is resting on his chest. They shift so they’re laying down.

“So long distance then. You think we can make it work?”

“I’ve loved you since you were born, Stupidkawa. I’m not going to let this go just because you’re going to another country for a few years.” Hajime turns his face so Oikawa can’t see his cheeks flush red. He knows there’s no chance he’ll miss the red on his neck but he has to preserve some of his pride. Oikawa doesn’t say anything and Hajime lifts his head to peek up at him. “Unless you want me to let you go. If you want that then we can do that too.”

Hajime doesn’t have time to feel anxious before Oikawa laughs at him.

“Your face is so red right now. I’m actually concerned for your health, Iwa-chan.”

“I swear to god, Shittykawa. I will kick your ass.”

“You can’t say that after you just said you love me.”

“I can do both. I’ll kick your ass but I’ll do it with love.” Oikawa’s chest shakes beneath him as he laughs.

“Will you wait for me?” He says, tone light. Hajime shifts his weight into his hands and pulls himself up so he’s straddling Oikawa and can look into his eyes.

“Always. I’ve got shitty taste and it’ll be hard to find someone shittier than you.” He presses a light kiss to the corner of Oikawa’s smile.

“Hajime, I’m being serious.” Oikawa’s fingers card through Hajime’s hair, gentle on his scalp.

He frames Oikawa’s stupidly pretty face with his hands. “I’m serious. As long as you want me, I’ll wait for you. Long-distance will be hard but only because I love you so fucking much, dumbass.”

Oikawa’s real smile is back. “I never knew you were such a sap. You were never this lovey-dovey about your girlfriends.”

“My girlfriends weren’t you.” He smacks his cheek lightly and moves to stand before Oikawa grabs his hips and keeps him in place.

“Not yet, keep saying nice things to me and blushing. I like your face when it looks like you’re on the verge of a heart attack.”

“We have to get ready for practice.” He leans down and kisses Oikawa. “Or at least I do since you’re now a future pro player.”

Oikawa groans. “I don’t want to tell the team.”

Hajime finally disentangles himself and stands, moving toward his room to change.

“You could just not tell them and disappear.” He calls over his shoulder. “But they’d probably think I finally cracked and killed you.”

“Ha ha. So funny, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa deadpans behind him. “I’m finishing out the season anyways.”

Hajime’s stomach drops but he tries not to let it show.

This is a good thing. This is a great thing. This is Oikawa finally getting to pursue his dream, taking a step closer. He can picture Oikawa’s grin on the court as he plays with players of professional caliber, his sets matching all of their needs. He wants this for Oikawa, he wants to see him so happy and healthy and finally, finally seeing his hard work pay off. He just wishes it didn’t feel like a step away from him.

He must have shown more than he meant to because a few seconds later, Oikawa’s long arms wrap around his middle, face nuzzling into the back of his neck.

“Tell me what you’re really thinking. I can tell you’re trying to keep everything inside.” He says. “I think someone’s told me that that’s just delaying an even bigger explosion, right?”

He grips Oikawa’s hands and lightly pinches his wrist. He doesn’t answer at first. He doesn’t want to say his selfish thoughts out loud but he realizes he’s shaking.

“Why does it have to be somewhere so far away?” He finally says because that’s what it comes down to. Oikawa on the other side of the planet, thousands of miles away from him, hours on a plane. He’s not sure what his life looks like without Oikawa, without his best friend, and the thought is terrifying.

“You’re the most important thing in my life, if you tell me not to go I won’t go.” Oikawa squeezes him.

He glares at the knob of his dresser and imagines saying it. Saying to stay with him. The thought makes him feel gross and he shoves it aside. He wants to hit something and silently thanks the universe that he gets to go to practice.

“Don’t give me that much power. You have to go. You have to do this and go and become even more of a force on the court than you already are. We both know it’s the best choice here. We’ll make it work.”

There’s a nod against his neck before Oikawa’s arms slip away.

“That’s an Iwa-chan promise. I’m holding you to it.” He laughs, but the sound is strained to his ears. He feels like he’s barely holding it together.

When Oikawa is safely out of earshot in his own room getting ready for practice, he whispers to himself, “don’t go.” It feels dangerous and awful so he keeps it to himself.

\--

When Oikawa tells their families, Takeru leaves the room. Hajime finds him in his old room a few minutes later, a controller clutched tightly in his hands. He and Shiori had moved to a small apartment a few months ago and some of his old things are still hung up on the walls. Hajime shuts the door behind him and sits next to the teenager, the two squished on the small bed. Takeru turns on the old game system and wordlessly hands Hajime the extra controller. 

Neither speaks until Oikawa finds them awhile later.

“I’ve been looking for you two.” Hajime smiles up at him, feeling guilty for leaving him with their parents but Oikawa is only looking at Takeru. He squishes himself between the two of them and loops his arms around their necks, pulling them into him.

They keep playing the game and pretend they don’t hear Takeru’s quiet sniffles. 

\--

Before Oikawa’s flight, they stand outside of the security line, surrounded by Oikawa’s carry-on items. 

Hajime’s trying not to beg him to stay, to throw away his dream and grow old with him. Instead, he says, “I love you so fucking much, Shittykawa. Don’t you dare fall in love with someone else while you’re away.”

Oikawa grins and takes a step forward. “Getting sappy on me, Iwa-chan.” He gently presses his lips to Hajime’s and pulls away. His face looks as sad as Hajime feels. “Soulmates, right? We’ll be together in the end.”

Hajime pulls him forward into a deeper kiss. “Shut up. Call me during your layover.”

He stays until Oikawa is through the security line, waving before he disappears from view.

Three months later and Hajime is finally able to pull Oikawa into him, his nose burying itself into the place where Oikawa’s neck curves into his shoulder. He wraps his arms around him, not quite feeling whole until Oikawa holds him back, the strong arms around his shoulders, pulling him into Oikawa’s firm chest.

And Hajime thinks he might cry at the thought that this is temporary, that their time together has a clock. He squeezes Oikawa tighter. 

“I missed you,” Oikawa whispers, his head ducking so his lips are at Hajime’s ear. “I don’t want to leave you again.”

Hajime’s fingers dig into the soft material of Oikawa’s t-shirt and he nuzzles in further. “But you have to.”

The shoulder beneath his cheek shakes slightly from the small laugh rumbling through Oikawa’s chest.

“Not yet though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to let me know what you thought. You can also find and bother me on tumblr [here](shmali.tumblr.com).

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! The timeline won’t be 100 percent canon-compliant but close enough!
> 
> Feel free to let me know what you thought. You can also find and bother me on tumblr [here](https://shmali.tumblr.com/).


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